


No Happy Ending

by Livid_Writer



Series: Roll On Sunday [2]
Category: Yogscast "High Rollers" D&D Campaign
Genre: Cam gives many fucklands., I Can't Believe I Wrote This, I mean come on, I mean it could be viewed as Trellicam, I'm Sorry, Let your little shipper heart free, M/M, Okay I'm sad now., This is why I can't have nice things., Too many fucklands
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-01
Updated: 2016-05-01
Packaged: 2018-06-05 17:01:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6713434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Livid_Writer/pseuds/Livid_Writer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>SEQUEL TO STUMBLE ALSO SONG FIC -<br/>Find Stumble here : https://archiveofourown.org/works/6476791</p><p>When Cam falls to a witches spell he is surprised to return to the old campsite outside of the strange town, he was expecting images of Mirella's death.. But no, here he is, the campsite where Trellimar Aleath died. </p><p>Happy Ending by Mika</p>
            </blockquote>





	No Happy Ending

**Author's Note:**

> Well.....  
> This kind of happened.

_** CAM POINT OF VIEW ** _

Two years ago, I swore I’d never come back here again. Unfortunately swearing to Avandra does not counteract witches spells, although I totally wish it did. I was bracing myself for Mirella lying broken on the floor but... I wasn't expecting here. Not here. My mind races to what is going to happen, why am I here? Is it Falk, am I here because it was the last time Falk smiled at me or laughed at my jokes? Was this the last time I was truly happy? It can't be Trellimar can it? After all his body isn't even here. But curiosity takes over me and I can't help but move away from the dying flames and out to the forest. 

_This is the way you left me,_

Maybe this was what the witch wanted but I carried on down into the forest, I would be awake by the time I reached where he died anyway, it probably wasn't worth it. So I turned back. It didn't take me long to walk back and, as I was on my best behaviour (still trying to impress Avandra) even in my dream, cleaned up the fire and sat down alone. This wasn't the torture or sadness that I had expected.

_I'm not pretending._

**"Is this a good place for everyone?"**

I can hear Elora, it's been two years but I still remember it well. That was how the evening started wasn't it? That was the beginning line. Why? I don't see them.. no us arriving in this place.. just yet. I wonder if this is my punishment, to go crazy hearing but not seeing my friends. But I stay sat down. I feel tired from our fight before and from the after effects of the spell.

_No hope, no love, no glory,_

**"You know I think we should walk a while longer."**

I hear myself now, the happier tone of my past self; before everything happened, the innocenter Cam Buckland who thought that the worst thing he'd ever see was Mirella dead. But that was not the worst thing. Not even close. The world seemed to hate the only human in the group but as I thought about it the Drow had always seemed sadder, more weary of the world than anyone else. Suddenly I did a very un-Cam-like thing; I felt sorry for Trellimar.

_No happy ending._

I can't hear any more voices right now but I remembered what happened, those familiar Jiutou stares that I knew too well. But it only made me feel better, familiar faces doing familiar things with familiar people and familiar Drows who.... Would never be heard from again. It dawned on me more definitely, Trellimar Aleath would never half smile again, never offer a small chuckle to one of my jokes again, never stumble over anything ever again. Never. This was the very night that Trellimar Aleath would die. 

_This is the way that we love,_

I remember Trell. I hold a little ceremony for him in my head, gently laying his weary body into the ground, brushing his soft hair out of his face which always seemed so straight and smooth and shiny well, it was. The white had turned red that night and I hadn't stuck around to see it turn into dried blood, it would have ruined the perfect, effortless look that Trell had always had.

_Like it's forever._

**"Buckland who's the child here? You or Jiutou?"**

And oh gosh that voice. And oh, he could see them now, they were really here! But Trell's voice... It was so deep and perfect for him, but I couldn't afford to think like that. This was the night that this man actually died not 'Trellimar Aleath Appreciation Night' although after he had died we all.. Well Jiutou, Elora and I had but Falk had left, not that I blame him, we all started doing the 'if Trell was here' thing to make our minds up, it saddened me though because, well, he died. 

_Then live the rest of our life,_

We approached me, which is the strangest thing that I have ever thought in my life and I'm Cam Buckland. But it's true, our past group was walking up to where I was standing. I ran up to them, waving but they didn't see; I tried hugging but they didn't feel; I tried calling out to them but they didn't hear. I felt useless and powerless to stop what was going to happen. We all looked happier than I'd seen us in years, apart from Trell who looked sad, except that sad isn't really the right word for how he looked, he looked more exhausted, tired of life. The saddest thing was that I now understood what he had felt like, the weight of the moments of every day for someone who felt like they had lived too long but that feeling would soon be over for Trellimar Aleath, soon he would feel relief.

_But not together._

_Wake up in the morning, stumble on my life_  
_Can't get no love without sacrifice_

**"Cool! It's a sleepover!"**

Of course after a while of hearing how annoying I was back then, Trell got up to leave for the last time and I willed myself, unhearing and seeing as past me was, to pay more attention to him, to tell him how valued I thought he was, how much he meant to me; to tell him how happy I was to have a friend who related to me and to tell him that, heck I thought of him like a brother. I willed myself to at least call him friend.

_If anything should happen, I guess I wish you well_  
_A little bit of heaven, but a little bit of hell_

I deserved anything at that moment, I deserved the ground to swallow me up and to plummet into the deepest layer of hell and Trell deserved to be raised up on a heavenly cloud for putting up with someone like me. I hated myself then, I shot myself a death glare worthy of Jiutou and followed Trell. Even if he couldn't see me I wanted to be there for him.

 

_This is the hardest story that I've ever told_

The worst feeling was that I left him to wander and didn't even notice that he'd been gone for hours, by now Trellimar had been walking for half an hour and he was already looking sadder that I ever thought he would and also so angry. I knew that look, self hatred, I saw it every time I looked in the mirror nowadays and I knew exactly how horrible it felt to hate yourself that much for leaving a friend who had died and I wondered if that was why Trell had closed off discussions about the Underdark, what had happened down there?

_No hope, or love, or glory_

I began to feel very depressed, I was following him to his death. He didn't know. He didn't know that this was his last walk. He didn't know how bad we all felt for that fact. Granamyr flew above us; I hadn't seen that pseudo dragon in ages, he'd left shortly after Trell had died much to Elora's disappointment. I felt bad for Granamyr as well, he could sense Trell's feelings in those last moments and I felt so sorry for him, only a baby but he had lost his paternal figure.

_Happy endings gone forever more_

 

_I feel as if I'm wastin'_

_And I'm wastin' everyday_

 

Trell walked. He didn't do much else, he didn't look around or savour this walk because he didn't know. He couldn't savour his last hours because he didn't know what they were and if that wasn't sad then I didn't want to see what was sadder than knowing a man is going to be killed but knowing that he doesn't, watching him walk down the path that lead him to death.

 

_This is the way you left me,_  
_I'm not pretending._

I followed knowing what was happening back where past me was, I was laughing and joking with an old friend who wouldn't even look at me now, with a smiley, happy elf who didn't smile anymore and an angry Tiefling who would never ever have those brief moments of joy that I used to see. Even past me would grow up and in two years wouldn't even be able to look at himself without hating that person. Past me who enjoyed cracking jokes would never tell another ever again. Past me who grew into me.

_No hope, no love, no glory,_  
_No happy ending._

And a drow who had said his last sarcastic remark and would never say anything again. Only write a letter to us telling us that it wasn't our fault when it really really was. He was forgiving in his last moments not angry and I think had he been I would have been more at ease with myself. But in only a few hours I would see what I saw every time I closed my eyes and read the words that were surely burnt into my brain like the mark on my skin.

_This is the way that we love,_  
_Like it's forever._  
_Then live the rest of our life,_

Dear Avandra I felt awful, that witch was better than Granny Bones had been, sure I'd felt sad but that was inaccurate and something I'd forgiven himself for where as this, this was perfect, no mistakes at all and instead of him being a bit shocked and sad I now felt awful and guilty because now I could see how easy it would've been to stop this from happening. It's something I will live the rest of my life knowing, I could have done something.

_But not together._

 

_2 o'clock in the morning, something's on my mind_  
_Can't get no rest; keep walkin' around_

I thought I'd never see Trellimar cry but here he was, walking, crying. His feet surely hurt so much after all of this walking and I could see the tears running down his cheeks, but I couldn't tell if this was accurate, I hadn't been there. I thought I heard him mutter something but I really couldn't tell what it was because I was focusing on the bravest person I'd possibly ever met in tears, it wasn't as shocking as I thought it would be, just saddening that he'd been at his weakest and then killed.

_If I pretend that nothin' ever went wrong, I can get to my sleep_  
_I can think that we just carried on_

Sometimes the world is kind enough to me to let me see other Drows because I like to pretend that they're Trellimar. I met one once, I've forgotten his name because I just called him Trell. He looked like Trell enough that I could imagine he was Trell but so different in personality that it made sure I didn't get too attached, only to be torn away by the fact that this wasn't really Trellimar.

 

_This is the hardest story that I've ever told_

I guessed that at this time past me and the others had gotten up and were now searching for him. I knew at this distance all hope was lost but a part of me hoped that we would hurry up, run at full pelt, and end up here much quicker. I imagined us running up to Trell and him confiding all his worries so that we could support Trell with all of our hearts. But it was not to be as I didn't hear footsteps behind us. I could only concentrate on the tears now pouring like rain out of Trell's eyes. The noise of crying was barely audible but ever so definite and heartbreaking.

_No hope, or love, or glory_

Trell pressed on. His feet must have been aching. He must have been in so much pain but yet he carried on. We must have been nearly at our final destination. Granamyr seemed to have sensed something and he was extruding an aura of fear but Trell did not seem to notice. He seemed set on walking wherever he was going, wherever he had intended to go. I thought about where he would have gone had he not died, where would that have been? The capital probably. I had never known his intentions for going there, only that that he needed to go there. Trellimar carried on and I remembered this place, this was nearly his final destination. There was no hope now.

_Happy endings gone forever more_

 

_I feel as if I'm wastin'_  
_And I'm wastin' everyday_

He started to stumble, like he always had done. His lanky figure was hard to keep upright apparently. Past me would be trying to crack his last jokes now. The last jokes that I would ever tell. Trell... It had always been him hadn't it? The one that despite being mysterious had been the binding for our group, he cracked some jokes with me, rolled his eyes with Elora and had the same burning fury as Jiutou. Little did he know that his death would bond us closer. But he was about to find out.

 

_This is the way you left me,_

I was so stuck in my thoughts that I barely had time to process what was happening. There was a crunching noise. Trell fell (ooh that rhymes) to the ground. I just stood there. I couldn't do anything. I was useless, powerless, helpless. I couldn't do anything as hooded people surrounded Trellimar. I couldn't do anything as they literally dragged him across the forest floor. I couldn't do anything as the ground cut Trell's face and trickles of blood stained the floor. I could only watch. I could only realise that we wouldn't get here in time. I could only know that Trellimar Aleath was going to die soon.

_I'm not pretending._

You have never seen a friend die. You have never seen a friend be locked in a room and told to say his last goodbyes to his God. You did not see the look of relief on Trellimar Aleath's face when he realised that he wasn't going to have to live on this world anymore. You did not see the shock that followed that he was feeling this way. And you, you lucky human, did not see him take out a pen and start to write his last letter.

_No hope, no love, no glory,_  
_No happy ending._

I turned away when the time came. When they knocked him out. When they put him on the altar. I closed my eyes and I tried to remember Trellimar. I desperately searched my mind for a happier time. Some came to mind: When I kissed him on Valentines day, when we laughed in the Tavern with Falk, when he turned into a woman to trick me, when he comforted me in the jail cell and told me that everything was going to be alright. But it wasn't, it just wasn't alright. Trell didn't deserve this. He deserved everything in the world but pain.

_This is the way that we love,_  
_Like it's forever._

I watched them cut him. I did.  I stood there and felt so awful for not being able to protect him. I watched them slash at his body and I watched as Trellimar Aleath died. He was dead before we reached him, certainly. Nobody could survive a cut to the heart. I recognised the sigils this time. Nerull. The God that took my friend away. I would try, I promised both him and myself, I would get revenge.

_Then live the rest of our life,_

The people stopped their chanting. It was as if they knew that he was dead now. Drained. Gone. It was true, he was gone. I could have done something back then, I could have followed him and saved him. He could be with us now living the years he never had, spending moments he never got to see, taking breaths of air that he never got to breathe. Dead. The word means so much. It means gone, forever, it means that you are never going to see them again until the end of your life. It means pain, it means you will never feel the same again. It means hatred and anger, it means you will never be able to live with knowing that this person, someone you cared about, someone you valued and loved is dead. Dead and gone.

_But not together._

 

_A little bit of love, little bit of love_

I saw us rush into the clearing after the people had left. I saw them lean over Trell and desperately try in vain to bring him back. It was my fault, although Trell had said it wasn't I felt it was. There was a dead body where Trellimar's soul had been. He would never walk again, he would never call me an idiot again, he would never roll his eyes again, he would never collect gold again; he would never be Trellimar Aleath again.

_L_ _ittle bit of love, little bit of love_

 

 

_I feel as if I'm wastin'_  
_And I'm wastin' everyday_

I walked back with the group feeling horrible. Trell's body was being carried delicately as if he was really alive. But he wasn't. We couldn't revive him, no one's magic was enough to bring a soul sacrificed to a God back. He was gone forever more now. I felt broken. I felt as if my soul and personality was wasting away day by day and one day I'd just wake up and not be Cam Buckland anymore, just a husk of what was previously a happy, friendly man.

 

_This is the way you left me,_

I saw Falk's face for the last time when I went back. I didn't blame him for leaving. I felt bad for him staring expectantly at me as if I was the hero that Trell had said in his letter. But I wasn't. Maybe I could have been but I wasn't. I was left like this, shattered and torn apart by the world that didn't care. Not for me, not for Trell not for anyone. It was unfeeling and cold. It subjected me to torture and everybody else on it felt it too. 

_I_ _'m not pretending._

I watched as they read the letter and sobbed with them because he really was dead. Dead. Gone. I listened as Jiutou's voice cracked as she read. I watched Elora's face go from sad to broken and stay there. I watched as I, I began to hate myself. No matter what Trell had said I was no hero, I was just a boy and Trellimar Aleath could see a happy boy who sometimes did the right thing and immediately assumed he was a hero. Because Trellimar Aleath had seen that I was not like him and thought that meant hero but he didn't see that inside, I was just like him.

_No hope, no love, no glory,_

I heard a noise from behind me and turned around. There, sat on a log was Trell. A ghostly Trell. He half smiled at me and beckoned for me to come over. So I did. He didn't say anything, he just put his arm around me. And we stayed there. Watching. Waiting for something. For a small second I felt happier than I had in exactly two years but then I remembered that the spell would wear off soon and I would be forced away. But there's nothing wrong with enjoying a few moments with a friend that you haven't seen for ages.

_No happy ending._

But is there? Soon I would be awake and back into the fray if I wasn't already dead. But Trell did his little half smile and I felt warm and safe and happy like I never had before, we weren't even talking just waiting, watching and smiling because, hell if I wasn't taking this moment of sanctuary, safety and plain joy then I would be an idiot. Suddenly the crying people who would never be the same didn't feel real, Trell felt real as if he was pulling me back to the real world.

**"Cam."**

_This is the way that we love,_

 

Trell was talking to me softly. 

**"I know you don't think that you're a hero."**

He moved so I could face him. So I could take in that he sounded real, looked real. He was there. He looked at me as if he was so sorry, as if I was the one who had died that night. But I think he knew that a part of me had died that night, even if I wasn't aware of it he could see me breaking even two years on.

_Like it's forever._

**"But god dammit Buckland you need to realise that you are. Cam Buckland, what you have done does not define you; you are the choices you are going to make, the lives you are going to save and lives that you already have. You can start out as anything and turn into a hero, you just need to choose to. I know you think that you could have done better but I promise you, nothing that happened tonight was your fault and I do not blame you. And maybe I'm dead. But so what? You've got it all wrong Buckland, dead does not mean gone."**

_To live the rest of our life,_

**"I'll always be here Buckland."**

At first I didn't believe him. But, I owed him this. I owed it to him that I would keep on fighting. I would choose to be a hero for Trellimar Aleath because Trellimar Aleath deserved it. He deserved a legacy, stories to be told and if those stories started with Cam Buckland then so be it. He needed to be remembered. Not as a dead body. Not as someone who died but as someone who was alive. Someone who fought. Someone who was right. A Drow, but a Drow who chose to be a hero.

_But not together._

But I felt myself being drawn away. Trell smiled softly at me, properly, I'd never seen him smile properly but it was beautiful. Magical, phenomenal. But those were all words that could be used to describe Trellimar; beautiful, magical, phenomenal. Brilliant. And though I was leaving him I felt somehow relieved. He did not blame me and although I would still blame myself it was nice to know, even for that minute, that he didn't blame me.

**"Goodbye Buckland."**

 

_This is the way you left me,_

He was magical.

_I_ _'m not pretending._

He chose to be a hero.

_No hope, no love, no glory,_

He deserves to be remembered.

_No happy ending._


End file.
